Does Cause Really Matter? Shifting Focus from Origin to Optimization
- Kay Alexander
- Dec 8, 2025
- 3 min read
Updated: Dec 9, 2025
I know that this post may cause a bit of friction, but I felt compelled to write this after having this conversation more times than I would have liked. When people find out that my children are neurodivergent, they always try to figure out the cause. Some even go on to give me tips for a “cure,” as though my children are sick and need to be healed. I recently heard about a couple—medical professionals, no less—who are actively searching for a cure for their autistic child.
When parents receive a diagnosis for a neurodivergent child—whether it’s Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, or another condition—the immediate human instinct is often to search for a definitive cause. Was it genetic? Environmental? Did a specific event trigger it? This quest for the "why" is rooted in a desire for control and understanding, seeking a fixed point of origin to explain a complex reality.
While scientific research into biological causes is relevant in specific medical instances, for the individual child and their family, becoming entrenched in the question of origin can inadvertently divert critical energy and resources away from the more impactful question: What now?
The Allure and Limitation of the Origin Story
The search for cause often provides a temporary sense of relief, offering a narrative explanation for differences. However, the limitation of this pursuit is that it frequently stalls the essential work of intervention and support.
The child lives in the present. Their current reality is defined by their unique neurological profile: their sensory profile, their executive function capacity, and their communication style. Regardless of whether the condition stems from a chromosomal variation, prenatal factors, or spontaneous genetic expression, the child's daily needs—the need for clear structure, sensory regulation, and tailored learning strategies—remain constant.
Time spent researching potential environmental triggers or agonizing over genetic permutations is time that could be dedicated to mastering a new self-regulation strategy, refining a visual schedule, or developing a plan for post-secondary independence. The focus must be on the utility of the intervention, not the traceability of the diagnosis, and certainly not on a cure.
Designing a Life of Agency and Support
The greatest gift a parent can offer is not a cure, but a sustainable life design. Whether a child will eventually navigate the corporate world, require supported living, or need 24-hour care, the core objective remains the same: maximizing quality of life and personal agency across the spectrum of need.
Instead of aiming for a specific, neurotypical version of independence, we can focus on three universal pillars of support that apply to every life plan:
Communication as Agency: The ability to influence one’s environment is fundamental to human dignity. For some, this means learning to self-disclose in a workplace; for others, it means using AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) to refuse an activity or choose a meal. The goal is ensuring every individual has a reliable method to express needs, boundaries, and desires.
Regulation as Foundation: A dysregulated nervous system cannot learn or thrive. By prioritizing sensory diets, safe environments, and emotional co-regulation, we build a foundation of safety. This moves the focus from "behavior management" to preventing the physical and emotional fallout of chronic overstimulation.
Scaffolding as Infrastructure: We must build external systems that bridge the gap between the individual's capacity and the world's demands. This is a broad spectrum of support: it can range from visual timers and calendar apps to special needs trusts, care teams, and legal guardianship. The goal is to create a permanent infrastructure that ensures safety and stability, regardless of the individual's ability to manage details alone.
Ultimately, the focus must be forward-looking. The energy used to trace the past is finite; when redirected toward building a sustainable future, it becomes a powerful catalyst for the child’s lifelong success. The cause may offer an explanation, but the tools offer a life.
About the Author
Kay Alexander is the founder of Inspire The Incredible and a dedicated advocate with over two decades of experience supporting children, youth, families, and professionals. Her work is profoundly shaped by her dual perspective—as a seasoned professional in social services and a parent to neurodivergent children. Her mission is to empower individuals by strengthening them and their entire circle of support.
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As an adult male who fit the profile of a spikey past, I would like to know if there are safe spaces in PA & Brooklyn, NY that conduct studies to lean if undiagnosed adult males and females can be identified.